After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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