your thong is hanging out like whoa
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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