okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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