Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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