You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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