Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
