I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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