somebody snuck up and got me drunk
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
