I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
