phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
