The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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