The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
