Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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