i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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