She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
