How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
