he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
