even my farts smell like vagina
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
