based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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