We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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