Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
