I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
