do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
