So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
