He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I still have a little drunk in my system
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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