I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Randomize
