I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
