He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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