I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
