Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
