I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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