so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
