You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
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