I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
