Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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