Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
