Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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