Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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