I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
