That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
