is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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