I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
