I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
