i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
