No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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