He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
