I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
