i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
