im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
