This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
