A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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