Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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