Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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