You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
