and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize