Porn is love you can see.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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