I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
