Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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