make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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