I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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