You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
