need another drink. this is the easiest way
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
