and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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