Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
