facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
