he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize