i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
