the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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