I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
