Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
