My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
