Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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